*sigh*...

Wow... so I am just depressed. I hate January, it's so cold and dark and snowey and blah. But I will just have to get over it. I feel like I can't do anything of worth. I can't get a job. I can't get interviews. I got one, for a selling business, that I had to pay like, 400 dollars up front to get licenced to sell insurance. Blah. I have skills, I do. I just don't know how to be successful in the real world with my skills. I don't get paid for painting, or drawing, I don't get paid for acting, singing, sewing, cooking, being creative, making friends, talking to people... I don't have skills people want to hire for, or pay for, or even acknowledge in the "real world". By the way, where is this place, this "real world" cause I have some issues to bring to it's govornmental figure. Blah! I don't know if I will ever get there, to the real world. I am so lost, I feel like I have no meaning to my life. It's just worthess. I know, i will be a great mother, a good friend, a great artist, actress singer... but where will it be? Not anywhere where the monehy is made. For all I know, I will be doing community shows for no one to come see. But, guess what, this "Real World" mentality doesn't accept the talents and gifts God has given me as important, or relavent. No, it's go get a real job. Suffer. Find something to do. What on earth am I doing? AAAAHHHHH!!!! I just need an answer to some prayers I guess. I am rambling about a bunch of nothingness but my own insignificantness. I know God loves me, and I am important to him, but I don't know how to live in this world and survive. I feel awful being a dependent, an apendix about to burst. I need to get a life. I can't just rely on my husband to do everything while I am doing what seems to be, nothing.