life in a nutshell

I got a car a week ago today... which is pretty awesome! its a 2003 hyundai accent, two door hatchback. I like it. I have had to learn how to drive a stick shift which has worked out, its getting smoother. Anyway, I have been keeping quite busy with work and the SNAP program i am a (grateful) part of. I just don't think i am talented enough or really belong there. Maybe its just my thoughts today, but i have a hard time even talking to the rest of the cast. Stephanie is great about it all, she's awesome and I love working with her. (thanks!) but sometimes i wonder if i was just a charity case. The others are so talented...

Anyway, so I have a question for you all. What am i supposed to get from this? A really attractive guy you would love to just be able to talk to tells you that you are a splitting image of his sister? "She's a gorgeous girl, don't get me wrong. You aren't an exact twin you just have very similar facial features like your lips and nose..." Ok, so how do i take that? Now all he'll see is his sister when he sees me? or will he just see me as a little sister? who knows, maybe its a good icebreaker to actually just be friends. I don't know but really, i am a little stuck on that one. I almost wish i didn't look like his sister... but oh well. we'll see how that goes. *rolls eyes*

hmm, wow i am pessimistic today. Oh well, its how i feel. Here's to honesty.

ill

there are times i feel good about life and everything. there are times i don't. there are times i just feel sick about it all, ill. I know it won't last but... i just don't know. I feel sick.

living life

so, life is going great, i am looking at things in a new light. I am looking for cars now, hopefully will have one by sometime next week. :D I have my eye set on a Nissan convertible, it is really nice. Its a '94 so its not new, but it is in great condition. And I want to get a car i like, i will treat it better and keep it longer. Anyway, I will update about that as soon as I know more. But other that that, life is good. I need to look into school for this fall, or maybe the winter. I am going to look into scholarships or loans or grants, if anyone has suggestions let me know. :D

thank God

so, life is hard. life is crazy. and I don't know what to do. or how to deal. who knows what to do when its all happening anyway? who knows what life will hit you with next? obviously god, but he's the omnipotent one. not me, thank him for that! I am just me, and weak and imperfect, mortal. I make mistakes, big ones and small ones, but I have made some huge ones it seems. I feel bad because God knew what I would do. He knew I would mess things up and expected me to do this, its kind of a sad thought. I know I can make him proud. I can make him happy one day, but now is time for me to just keep asking for help and forgiveness. I love him and didn't want to let him down. But if he knew what I would do, is it really letting him down? probably not in the big scheme of things, this is all just a learning experience, and I will probably grow a lot from it. I hope I can become a better person from this, but at this point I am at an all time low. I am going to get help. I need it and want it. so I have made the first step. :D Thank you God for helping me through the low times, thank you for giving me hope. And thank you everyone who talks to me and helps me, on this site or in person. I truly need it and am so grateful. I will make it. I will.

I don't know what to do

so, I read back in my blog, and it doesn't seem like I was too depressed all the time or anything, but maybe I edited it. I know that I started a private blog one night I was quite upset, but frankie said it was a bad idea and it would be like hiding things from him. No, he wouldn't have it. So, now I just had to vent publicly, which would mean I had to be positive. or just blog when I was happy. Anyway, I don't know what to do, because I feel so lost in my life right now. I wonder if I would be better without him, and I feel I would be, but I also think that maybe it wasn't so bad and it was my fault I moved out. Maybe we could work through things, or would I just go back to being miserable? I don't know. I am so lost.

Friends

Stephanie M, can you give me your email address? Just so I can invite you, you know? thanks :D

life

I am living at my parents house right now, and its an adjustment. I don't know how things will turn out, but I try to be positive.